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So the story is one we’ve probably all seen unfold. The kids are moving to the court; parents are waiting in the stands for the game to begin. The coach approaches a group of team parents and asks if anyone is willing to be responsible for helping the referees keep time and keep score….A team parent is telling me this story in frustration, shaking her head in confusion.
She continues, “NO ONE offers. Everyone just sits there as if they didn’t hear the coach’s request.” The coach looks around, also in disbelief. After what seems like forever, this parent, declaring her uncertainty about how to do the task, volunteers. She went on to say that this wasn’t the only time such a thing happened. Besides that, she lamented, except for yelling corrections at their kids and angry comments to the ref, the parents rarely showed enthusiasm or what might pass for good sportsmanship.
The mom recalled her own days in high school, attending school ball games, how she and her pals would yell themselves hoarse with support for their teams. She delighted in recalling preparing signs and pep rallies, wearing school colors. “Today,” she lamented, “the kids seem to think such a show of support would be ‘uncool.’ It’s sort of sad, you know?”
We got to talking about why she thought the other parents would not agree to help with scoring. At first she thought it might be because they were being self-centered and didn’t want to have to be distracted from enjoying the game. Then she pondered if it had something to do with not wanting to appear ‘uncool.’ Would entering into something so menial cost you “coolness points?” she wondered aloud. Maybe kids’ I-could-care-less appearance is related to parents’ concern about sort of remaining above it all.
I’ve been thinking since our conversation about a kid’s telling me several years ago how he had to get drunk to have fun. And then, there was the girl who excused her raunchy sexual behavior with, “Whatever! I was drunk!” The scenarios came together in my thinking as I realized that when we cut off our ability to delight in common joys, to be silly like kids (if we’re a kid), or to be a passionate, cheering sports fan, we could well be cutting ourselves away from wholesome, jump-into-the-fun good times.
I was curious as to why the mom had agreed to do the scoring. It was a chance to help the coach; it was a chance to do real aid for the team; it was a chance to take part. She told of learning a lot about the coach that day, about how the various kids on the team reacted to success and to penalties…in a way she’d never noticed before while she’d been chatting with pals on the bleachers. Contrary to being distracted from the game, her engagement enhanced her experience AND gave her lots to chat about with her teen on the way home.
As for me, I’m still tumbling several components around which I think may actually be part of the same issue: parents’ being present at a game but not being willing to take part; kids being too cool to be joyful, enthusiastic; the darkness to which kids go to “have fun,” to “party.” I’m pondering if these are related…. hmmmm
If you have any insights on this, let me know. Meanwhile, take delight, enter zestfully into the world around you! Your kids are watching!
Kathleen Fischer 
Kathleen,
As a passionate basketball spectator, coach and former player I have a bit of insight:
1) MOST parents will keep the score book but just as many if not more will NOT keep the clock ( more on this later)
2) Some parents don’t like to keep the books because they enjoy actually WATCHING their child’s team play and they feel if they keep score they won’t get to do that
3) Many parents like to sit in the stands and socialize, while appearing to support their child. This is sad because I PROMISE the kids know the parent’s are not really watching.
Now, back to the clock issue. . . .I once read a story about a boy whose mother was cooking breakfast. Her son walked into the kitchen and started yelling at her, “Use more salt, flip the egg, turn up the heat” etc. The mother was surprised and angry. She asked her son why he was yelling at her. Her son responded, “What I was doing is no different than what you do to me when I am on the court. Hustle, pass the ball, shoot!” In todays world, there are too many yells coming from the bleachers. The boys don’t know whether to listen to the coach or the parent. The parents yell at the refs and at the kids and at the score keeper. No one feels they can do anything correctly. So, why in the world would a parent, who is inexperienced, put themselves behind the score board where a mistake is obvious to EVERYONE! AND, if it is a BIG mistake it could lose the game. Then, the parents are mad at the VOLUNTEER for being imperfect. The scoreboard task is complicated and can be the difference between a win and a loss. With the above scenario, who would want to volunteer. Sad, very, very sad!!
Another great article by you!
I have lots of experience with this, and lots of opinions too 😉 I like to help keep the books, for the following reasons:
* I pay better attention to how the kids play – all the kids
* I get to hear how the coach coaches them and find aspects of the game I can reinforce with my own athletes
* I develop a better perspective for how the refs handle the game – the level of intensity and competitiveness, etc
* I don’t have to sit by “those” parents whose method of cheering puts down or insults refs, other team players and sometimes even their own kid
I don’t think parents fail to display enthusiastic support because it would embarrass their kids. I see plenty of embarrassing parental behavior from the bleachers, and even kids stopping mid-play to tell their parents to stop.